March 2017 AUSTIN—A local backpack belonging to college student Sam Rothko has started to wonder what other parts of Rothko’s body... more
March 2017 PORT NECHES, TX—Last Tuesday morning, while owner Mildred Bolyard was unpinning her rollers in the bathroom, area puppy... more
March 2017 PASADENA—Reports have confirmed today that local infant and idiot Jonas Garcia has once again forgotten to brush his... more
March 2017 SAN ANTONIO—Once thought of as a mere household appliance, the garbage disposal has officially become the most reliable... more
March 2017 DALLAS—Patrick Wellington has recently gained local infamy for what is being called “the dumbest social experiment of... more
March 2017 AUSTIN—A study recently published in UT’s undergraduate research journal concluded that a personality based solely in... more
March 2017 AUSTIN—Becoming the first person to successfully circumnavigate the Forty Acres, local explorer Weston Dentist... more
March 2017 AUSTIN—News sources report that a fluorescent light flickering in a recently abandoned office building can only be a... more
March 2017 AUSTIN—In a violent outburst at the local Benihana, self-proclaimed wakizashi master Ethan Johns announced his intense... more
March 2017 CHICAGO—Yet another small child has been lost to the big meat machine, local meat boss announced. “I tell th’ kids not... more