Look, I’m horny. There, I said it! Social distancing and quarantining at home have taken huge tolls on my mental, physical, and sexual well-being. I might be the only person in the entire world going through this. Or at least, the only one brave enough to talk about it openly. If anyone else is going through this, let me tell you, you’re not alone! Living at home for the first time since high school can make you feel like you’re reverting to a past version of yourself — someone that you once were, but aren’t anymore because you’ve used the time since to grow as a human being. No matter how tough it may seem, though, I won’t fucking text my ex. I, for one, don’t want to subject myself to being gaslit, it was always, “You’re a crazy bitch!” this, and “Why the hell do you know my mom’s social security number?” that. I don’t need that toxicity in my life! And neither do you. I, for one, would rather risk contracting coronavirus than having to lower my standards and text my ex-boyfriend, Peter, for a quickie in the back of his pre-owned 2003 Honda Odyssey. And you know what, getting corona wouldn’t be that bad. At least corona could finish me off, Peter.