ANN ARBOR – After months of rampant speculation, the verdict is finally in and it appears that the rumors are true: that girl is poison. “What a woman. Let me tell you, she drove me out of my mind and stole my heart when I was blind,” said one source who chose to remain anonymous.“I just don’t understand what all the fuss is about! Is the broad’s name Poison, like Prince or Madonna? Does she have toxic powers like the comic people or is she just some kind of floozy? I tell you, things weren’t always this bad. You know, in those days women were women and-” said one confused boomer before he was promptly cut off. “Looking back, there were a few red flags. My momma, G*d rest her soul, always told me to never trust a big butt and a smile. After getting over the fact that this girl had the biggest butt and the best smile, I finally came to my senses and realized she was a loser. Turns out, the whole crew used to do her,” continued the source. At press time, at least twenty-seven victims and counting were bravely coming forward with their own stories. We don’t know all the details yet but one thing is certain: that girl is poison.