*spoilers ahead, like for real (but I’m also saving you like $13 from seeing this at Alamo Drafthouse in August)*
Hello, it’s me, an adult who brings their 6-year-old to a R-rated horror movie. You’re probably thinking, “Oh, their babysitter canceled, this responsible parent would never bring a child to a premiere for a body horror movie starring Dave Franco and Alison Brie.” Well, your empathy can suck it because I didn’t call a babysitter at all, and I fundamentally believe that showing children something inappropriate at their young, tender age is helping them. I’ll let you know that my child enjoyed their time in this movie. This was shown by them laughing when absolutely nothing was funny on screen, and screaming every time the scene was too dark. My kid enjoyed the movie so much that they babble-talked it in a nonsensical run-on in the car ride back home. “Did you know that in the movie, the two people kissed and then they moved and then they combined and it was super scary and then the girl with brown hair cut off her arm and then combined into one person.” Does my kid’s review make any sense? No. Did a child screaming through the movie change my viewing experience? Probably not.