The suite, chilly. The chairs, packed tight. I could taste the Chanel perfume of the woman to my right and read the Grindr messages of the twink to my left. He got laid in the Marriott 5th-floor men’s bathroom after the event. Ahh, the setting was perfect to see my hero – Keke Palmer – at her promotional podcast taping for I Love Boosters. Or so I thought. Keke Palmer, Naomi Ackie, Taylour Paige, Eiza González, Poppy Liu, and Demi Moore all on one stage sounded like a dream, but it was nothing short of disgusting with the way Keke handled a surprise proposal.
Before you accuse me of hating women, just know that’s not the case. I’m a proud male feminist. I’ve devoted countless hours towards understanding women and their perplexing behavior and ever-changing hormonal status. That’s how I knew Demi was in her luteal phase by the way her breasts sat. No judgement here, just observations. I love women, and I love a strong female cast.
And honestly, the taping started off strong. Women uplifting women, just like I had hoped. The stage was shimmering with female empowerment, and not just because of Eiza’s ovulating glow. But it didn’t take long for everything to devolve when an overly-obsessed man with questionable mental faculties waltzed up to center stage to propose to Keke Palmer.
“What’s going on??”
“Where the hell is security???”
“Does he have a weapon???????”
Questions and concerns from the audience were rampant, but I had only one question on my female-loving mind: Keke, why would you dare acknowledge the man proposing to you?
Yup, you read that right. Rather than keep the attention on her female co-stars, Keke actually averted her attention to respond to a man. Did you hear that glass shattering? Yep, that was the Bechdel Test flying out the window! Even more upsetting, Keke had the audacity to decline his proposal politely. Let that sink in. She showed a random man kindness and compassion while icing out the 5 female superstars sitting across from her. I could literally feel the shift as every woman in America was suddenly sent back decades by Keke Palmer. 92 cents on the dollar went back down to 84 cents. This was worse than when Ariana Grande licked that donut or Nicki Minaj took the stage with Erika. Another female celebrity turned into a rotten example for little girls everywhere. Great.
Keke, you lost a fan. And your movie lost a viewer. The director is Boots Riley I believe? Well I won’t be entertaining you or this film from here on out – boots down. I’ll be patronizing The Devil Wears Prada 2 instead. I hope your stardom makes up for not being able to sleep at night.
P.S. That man was out of your league.