Most bad parents raise their kids to be one of two things: high-end celebrities or school shooters. For one’s well being…it’s helpful to be friendly to both types. While I was watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas over winter break I had an epiphany. The family friendly movie is not only symbolic of the true meaning behind Christmas, but also the heart-wrenching story of a green baby who overcomes his troubled past despite all odds pointing him towards an ungodly destiny. My point is, if the Grinch was real he would definitely be a school shooter and I would bet Jim Carrey’s entire net worth on the validity of this claim. The evidence is striking. For starters, the Grinch had really fucked up parents. His skin was straight up green and he had a heart condition that never received medical attention. He also moved out when he was maybe 13 and no one thought twice about stopping him. Additionally, when he made a present for the love of his life, he was publicly humiliated by all of his classmates. All I’m saying is, if that same grumpy, hairy, green, tween boy attended my kid’s school…I would tell my kid to be nice to him no matter what.