Hartford, CT — “Yeah mom, this PC culture has really gotten out of hand,” Shawn Gillian claimed on a phone call as he put the finishing touches on yet another joke about not getting any Tinder matches. Gillian, an aspiring comic and regular at Hartford open-mics, has successfully navigated one of the great challenges of being a balding male comedian with delusions of grandeur: convincing his mother that he didn’t need to text his uncle about that opening at Best Buy after all. Gillian’s feat came after he saw an opportunity with the firing of new SNL hire and one of Gillian’s longtime XBOX Live companions, Shane Gillis. “Mom, you’ll never believe this — you know how they kicked out Shane, right? Well, they got me too,” claimed Gillian, implying that he too had landed a spot on Saturday Night Live, the program running neck-and-neck with The Simpsons as America’s most redundant and past-its-prime comedy program. Gillian’s mom, already terrified of how her son would fare among the crime cesspool that is New York, offered her son condolences, claiming “that town hasn’t been the same since Guiliani left anyway.” At press time, Gillian and Gillis were commiserating over their woes at Gillian’s mother’s home, while she microwaved mozzarella sticks to cheer them up.