Cinephiles, as well as non-categorical douchebags, seem to be picking sides in the ongoing battle of whether it is currently more socially-distinguishing to disavow the Marvel Cinematic Universe as theme park junk or (equally insufferably) performatively advocate for “letting people enjoy things.” Personally, I tend to fall in the camp of the Great Synergy Experiment sucking, … [Read more...] about Op-ed: Marvel movies may not be cinema, but neither is “The Godfather”
Op-eds
Op-ed: People say all sorority girls are spoiled, but I don’t even have a BMW
In today’s polarized society, we are so quick to jump to assumptions about people that we don’t even know. It seems like everyone is being pitted against each other, to the benefit of no one. It doesn’t matter if you’re black, white, purple, David from Sigma Chi, or green. We should all be working to dismantle stereotypes and examine our own biases. For example, everyone says … [Read more...] about Op-ed: People say all sorority girls are spoiled, but I don’t even have a BMW
Open letter to my father: NO DAD, you’re the whore!
Dear Father, No matter how many times you say it, I am not a whore. After my most recent date with Marjorie, an all-day sugar-filled flash-passed affair at Six Flags, it seemed appropriate to purchase commemorative couple’s shirts. All editions were sold out except for the “I’m looney for him” and “I’m looney for her” shirts. The day went so well that we didn’t even … [Read more...] about Open letter to my father: NO DAD, you’re the whore!
No Republican can win against Trump in 2020, except maybe my dad
AUSTIN -- With all of the craziness surrounding the 2020 election (for example: what *is* Ukraine?), there's more uncertainty than ever as to who will be our next president. While the democratic field is oversaturated, the GOP is lacking in competition for Trump. In fact, I don't think any Republican can beat Trump in the primaries - except for my dad. I know what you’re … [Read more...] about No Republican can win against Trump in 2020, except maybe my dad
Op-ed: Men should just start sitting down to pee
The fact that men still pee standing up is not only completely impractical, but is also just another example of patriarchal control over our toilets. By sitting down, men are protecting the toilet seat from their refractory piss, thus saving toilet paper that would otherwise be used to wipe up their mess. Sitting down to pee is easier and more efficient in every sense; it takes … [Read more...] about Op-ed: Men should just start sitting down to pee