The fact that men still pee standing up is not only completely impractical, but is also just another example of patriarchal control over our toilets. By sitting down, men are protecting the toilet seat from their refractory piss, thus saving toilet paper that would otherwise be used to wipe up their mess. Sitting down to pee is easier and more efficient in every sense; it takes way less energy, and there’s no chance of missing the bowl. Guys who choose to pee standing up think that they’re secure in their manhood, but in reality there are few things more childish than pissing on the toilet seat. Think about the future of urination, when we all sit together, instead of standing apart. We’ll save so much money by going with stalls across the board. It will make the restroom a safer space for those who feel uncomfortable pissing in public. The sit-down method shouldn’t be a problem for anyone who has a penis less than 9 inches in length. However, if you do have a penis over 9 inches in length you should honestly just piss outside because you’re a horse. Besides, who wants to aim when they’re peeing anyways? The sit-down method is the perfect solution for anyone who has to pee drunk. If I had a nickel for every time I drunkenly peed in a place that wasn’t a toilet, I could finally get my parents out of credit card debt. So dudes, next time you’re stumbling over, about to fill your pants with everything you drank that evening, don’t try and be a hero in the pisser, just take a seat and let it go. Otherwise, you’re just going to make a mess.