Op-eds

WE’RE SEEING NEW HISTORICAL PRECEDENTS EVERYDAY. BUT THERE’S ONE REMARKABLE OPPORTUNITY STARING US IN THE FACE: NEVER HAS THERE BEEN A BETTER TIME TO TRIP ACID. UNSURE WHERE YOU STAND IN THESE TRYING TIMES? THEN YOU’VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE. FAST-TRACK YOUR INTROSPECTIVE SUCCESS AND OPEN YOUR MIND TO HORIZONS YOU WOULD HAVE PREVIOUSLY NEVER THOUGHT POSSIBLE. IT’S THE … [Read more...] about A LITTLE LSD NEVER HURT ANYBODY, EXCEPT MY FRIEND THAT ONE TIME

I’ve spent hours on end, every night of quarantine, staring at the ceiling and begging to know: Where is The Cure? Sometimes I’ll even turn over and Google search “Did The Cure actually get back together or was that just a fever dream?” I literally cannot think of a better time to be The Cure’s band manager than during a global pandemic. Every day I open up Twitter and see “The … [Read more...] about Op-ed: You would think The Cure’s band manager would be all over this

I like horses. So what? That doesn’t make me a horse girl. I like to wear my hair in a long braid and enjoy boot cut jeans. Sue me. And you know what? It’s my choice to walk on all fours — it’s faster and more economical. Who cares if I neigh from time to time — we’ve all done it. I’m sick of all the hate I get simply choosing to wear a saddle and a bit on occasion. I’ve seen … [Read more...] about Area woman mistakenly identified as horse girl

Well, yet another day in paradise (isolation in my childhood bedroom)! Time for my only recurring appointment that I’ve managed to have in quarantine ... my 3:30 p.m. masturbating sesh. I do all of the hits: reaching across the bed for my vibrator, opening up Safari and uselessly pressing “Private Browsing Mode.” A mode I can only assume Apple includes just to get us to shut … [Read more...] about I wish porn would play a little more “hard to get”

My (fictional) boyfriend is very … alternative. For example, if I want him to pay attention to me, I have to say the magic word: “Can you imagine if a man said that to a woman?” He’s obsessed with weed, speaking over others, and making me feel guilty for shopping on Amazon sometimes. I don’t know how I got so lucky! As you might have imagined, he was really into “Uncut Gems” … [Read more...] about OK so that’s what the Safdie brothers look like