• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Join the Travesty
  • Issue Archive
  • Support
  • Housing Guide
  • Goodbye Columns

Texas Travesty

Since 1997

Missing Children Were Inside the Milk Carton the Whole Time

October 5, 2022 by travesty

Child abduction is no laughing matter. I certainly wasn’t laughing when I poured a fully grown man into my bowl of cereal. His name is David. He had been missing since July 1988. I was horrified, first, because I usually check the expiration date for these kinds of things. But then I realized I had to call the police, and that sucked because I hate talking to people over the phone.

This is one of many such cases. Here’s how the events may unfold, according to experts: in a flurry of wonder and excitement, determined children shrink down to gopher size to escape from their bastard cousins. Scientists have discovered this as an evolutionary trait to make us ‘really good at hide and seek’. Once inside the milk carton, the walls are too slick to escape, and the contents too intoxicating. As a sick joke (I hate jokes), Big Milk then photoshops a picture of the child onto the back of their cartons. Big Milk, of course, wants to bury this secret so they can keep selling milk. I never told you this information, or I’m next.

  • Share
  • Tweet

Filed Under: News

Primary Sidebar

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

Recent Posts

  • The Texas Travesty- March 2023
  • The Texas Travesty- February 2023
  • The Texas Travesty- November 2022
  • The Texas Travesty- October 2022
  • Hidden Figures: Cain
Tweets by TexasTravesty

Archives

  • March 2023
  • February 2023
  • November 2022
  • October 2022
  • September 2022
  • April 2022
  • March 2022
  • February 2022
  • November 2021
  • October 2021
  • September 2021
  • April 2021
  • March 2021
  • February 2021
  • November 2020
  • October 2020
  • September 2020
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • February 2020
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • February 2019

Copyright © 2023 · Magazine Pro on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in