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Texas Travesty

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Star Wars fans are angry again: What is it this time? Rey’s tits weren’t big enough

February 12, 2020 by travesty

LOS ANGELES—After the trilogy’s final movie was released in late December, scrambling longtime Star Wars fans have turned their nitpicking efforts towards the series protagonist, claiming her tits “weren’t big enough.” “It’s probably the most disrespectful thing the franchise has done. I mean if you’re going to have a female protagonist, why not make her have huge jugs? It’s what the fans would have wanted,” said Darius Sun, a loss prevention specialist at Video Max. “First they mess up BB-8’s arc, and now this, it’s really like they stopped giving a crap about the series towards the end.” Sun’s concerns over the franchise are not uncommon. It’s been reported that among the Star Wars fandom on the internet, Rey’s boob size was the hottest issue, taking the lead spot over other “problems” like “how did they make Laura Dern look ugly” and “demonizing Kylo Ren.” At press time, Darius was seen looking for his favorite Star Wars tie in preparation for a heated custody hearing.

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