WASHINGTON, D.C — This week, reporters found that the sex playlist of Stephen Miller, Donald Trump’s head policy advisor and speechwriter, is completely comprised of Train songs. In keeping with an administration allergic to shame, Miller’s playlist, titled simply “Titillation Time with Train” is now public on his Spotify. “When I get aroused, say if I’ve taken an asylum-seeking toddler from their parents or someone says the words ‘second amendment’ within 1 mile of me, I’ll initiate sexual relations with my girlfriend with the sensual masterpiece ‘Hey, Soul Sister,’” Miller said. “And I always try to end our dirty congress by screeching ‘Now that she’s back in the atmosphere, with drops of Jupiter in her hair!’” When asked about his girlfriend’s response, Miller said, “Oh, my girlfriend? I wouldn’t know. I don’t ask women questions.” Miller also indicated that his sex playlist wasn’t the weirdest one in the White House. “Kellyanne Conway’s is the musical soundtrack to Cats. Mike Pence’s is a lot of Kid Rock. And my old boss Jeff Sessions likes to listen to the sounds of America’s inmates constructing furniture they’re not paid to build. Whew sorry, just got aroused again.” At press time, Train’s lead singer Patrick Monahan had apologized publicly for “ever being a catalyst for that man’s pleasure.”