AUSTIN — Speaking to a group of reporters before Beto O’Rourke’s Auditorium Shores rally, the local group “Moms for Beto” expressed disappointment with the former El Paso congressman. “He got all of us hot and bothered last year, what with his skateboarding and rocking out with Willie Nelson,” said Sandra Carpenter, who started the group last fall during the height of O’Rourke’s 2018 Senate campaign. “But watching his fumbling presidential campaign, it just dries me right up like a raisin in the sun.” Carpenter noted that the excess of 2020 Democratic candidates gives suburban women a plethora of choices to jerk off to, and that Beto isn’t the only presidential hopeful who gives them a tingly feeling down there. “There’s something about Joe Biden that gets me going the way Beto once did,” said Sheila Jones, another former Beto supporter. “And I know he’s gay, but that midwestern mayor could get it anytime he wants.” At press time, “Moms for Beto” had disbanded, claiming that they needed time to figure themselves out after their newfound attraction to Kamala Harris.