My (fictional) boyfriend is very…alternative. For example, if I want him to pay attention to me, I have to say the magic word: “Can you imagine if a man said that to a woman?” He’s obsessed with weed, speaking over others, and making me feel guilty for shopping on Amazon sometimes. I don’t know how I got so lucky! As you might have imagined, he was really into “Uncut Gems” starring Adam Sandler. After all, he is a self-proclaimed cinephile! I also saw the movie but didn’t have that positive of an experience because I watched Julia Fox masturbate while sitting next to my dad. Since the film came out, my boyfriend hasn’t shut up (is that violent to say?) about the “Safdie” “brothers.” Reader, he’s obsessed. One day, I found the courage to Google “Safdie Brothers” and they kind of looked exactly how I pictured them: like Ezra Koenig and an older friend. These guys look like they’d cut me in line at Whole Foods while wearing a “Believe Women” pin and then ask where my hug is.