Cinephiles, as well as non-categorical douchebags, seem to be picking sides in the ongoing battle of whether it is currently more socially-distinguishing to disavow the Marvel Cinematic Universe as theme park junk or (equally insufferably) performatively advocate for “letting people enjoy things.” Personally, I tend to fall in the camp of the Great Synergy Experiment sucking, though in the end, does anyone really care? No. But I’ll tell you something people may actually tune in to: Marvel movies may not be cinema, but neither is The Godfather.
If it were up to me, Francis Ford Coppola’s so-called “masterpiece” would be discarded from the contemporary American film canon, as it is no film. It’s propaganda. The Italian-American lobby has been quietly operating in the Hollywood underbelly for decades, seeding veiled messages to the nation’s public, and no one has even batted an eye.
The proof is in the pudding, so to speak, and this country can’t get enough dessert. Notice how many of the film’s (I use this term generously) protagonists seem to be Italian-American. This is no coincidence. The IADL (Italian-American Defense League) has developed a strategy to ensure the promotion of their own members and, indirectly, their own cultural products. But why? Well, why does anyone do anything in this world? If this scheme is starting to make sense to you, then I’m sure you recognize that it’s making dollars for them.
The 1900s were a smashing success for the IADL. Corporate stocks shot through the roof. Italy’s GDP went through its most rapid boom in history. Let’s take a look at what else occurred in that span of time: The Godfather (1972), Goodfellas (1990), and The Godfather 2 (1974). Notice a pattern? Now, I know what you’re thinking–“If this film promotes Italian-American interests, wouldn’t Italy’s GDP be irrelevant?” But that’s a stupid point. If you were pulling off the largest scam in pop-culture history, would you shit where you eat? No. You would send your money offshores and invest stealthily. These folks have been doing this for years. They’ve thought of everything. Everywhere you look nowadays it’s pizza-this and gelato-that. To counter these efforts to control our thought, I ask that instead of popping in yet another spaghetti advertisement after dinner tonight, you, for me and for freedom, watch Borat.