Child abduction is no laughing matter. I certainly wasn’t laughing when I poured a fully grown man into my bowl of cereal. His name is David. He had been missing since July 1988. I was horrified, first, because I usually check the expiration date for these kinds of things. But then I realized I had to call the police, and that sucked because I hate talking to people over the … [Read more...] about Missing Children Were Inside the Milk Carton the Whole Time
News
Sony announces sequel to Greta Gerwig’s Little Women titled Tyler Perry’s Big Ol’ Ladies
LOS ANGELES—Executives confirm that Sony will move forward with a Little Women sequel from Perry’s production studio, slated for a summer release. Perry said the title of Gerwig’s film alone gave him the idea for a movie that could evolve into a “long-term franchise.” Perry says the movie is about the perspective of the women in his family and their journey into adulthood … [Read more...] about Sony announces sequel to Greta Gerwig’s Little Women titled Tyler Perry’s Big Ol’ Ladies
Report: Mom’s obsession with iPad is tearing family apart
KANSAS CITY, MO (randomly not in Kansas)—Diane Marshall, a Southern Baptist mom of three and self-identified “choco-holic” was now the proud owner of an iPad. After learning this was not in fact a gag gift from her kids to make fun of her deteriorating eye-sight by getting her a novelty sized phone, she was hooked. She could finally scroll through Facebook on the “big screen” … [Read more...] about Report: Mom’s obsession with iPad is tearing family apart
Super Bowl Parties Oppress Me But At Least There’s Spinach Dip
SOUTH BEND, IN - In the grand scheme of things, there’s simply nothing worse than a Super Bowl Party. College student Alyssa came face to face with this reality earlier this month, at her first college S.B.P. (Shitty Boys Party). During the tenth mansplaination of the “nuances of football,” Alyssa realized something that was troubling, but altogether beautiful: Super Bowl … [Read more...] about Super Bowl Parties Oppress Me But At Least There’s Spinach Dip
Report: Dad is nodding at CNBC, so the economy must be good
WASHINGTON, D.C.—For decades, economists have developed and argued over a variety of metrics to best assess economic performance—GDP, unemployment, labor productivity, and a host of other complex calculations. But this dispute exists no longer. Top economists have shifted to a consensus that only one measure truly matters: The amount Dad nods at CNBC. “For years, I used to … [Read more...] about Report: Dad is nodding at CNBC, so the economy must be good