I, like many Americans, have been alarmed by our nation’s descent into oligarchy. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and her allies have me convinced: We need real, structural change in our democracy, and that starts with embracing socialism. But when we make the transition, I have one request: Can we leave Kohl’s alone? Look, I know socialism is going to require some sacrifices. A Green New Deal banning airplanes? No big deal, I’ll take the train. Wealth taxes? Sure, eat the rich. But take away the only department store with reasonable discounts in the greater Hartford area away from me? That’s a step too far, bucko. The greed of big corporations is undeniably disgusting. People can’t afford life-saving drugs because of big pharma. The health insurance lobby makes it nearly impossible for poorer citizens to afford healthcare. You know what I can afford though? A two-piece pantsuit for $96, only at Kohl’s. Nationalize everything else if you have to. Seize the means of production, turn Macy’s into a workers collective, mandate that everyone grow tofu on state-owned farms. But leave Kohl’s alone, goddamnit. It’s what the founding fathers would’ve wanted.