You walk into class expecting the usual scene. But something is not only new but amiss, and it catches your attention right away. Jared, who sits to your right, has two drinks on his desk. A blue Gatorade in addition to his usual Ozarka water bottle. Two forms of hydration. Two different entities to sip on throughout the duration of your 1.5 hour microeconomics class. You’re taken aback. Shocked to your very core, even. You knew he was attractive, but now you can say with 100% certainty that he is not a virgin. This blatant display of hyper-sexuality just doesn’t belong in the classroom. If Jared wanted people to know that he was not a virgin so badly, he could have just come right out and said it. In fact, it would have been easier to just customize a t-shirt that says “I’m sexually active.” Having more than one drink to your name during class is the equivalent of when male baboons attack each other to assert that they’re the alpha in a pack. It’s an overt way of saying “yes, I fuck and need everybody to acknowledge that.”