WASHINGTON – The blatantly biased liberal media once again denied Americans access to important news coverage this week when National Public Radio, The Atlantic, and Reuters News Agency all ignored the final dryer buzzer as it rang from the laundry room. The latest buzz indicated an important end to the dryer’s cycle and a dangerous onset of wrinkled clothes. “This is just one more disappointing oversight by the socialist media machine,” stated Republican nomination candidate Newt
AUSTIN – Mary Howard’s years of neglect for her children were absolved yesterday when she brought home a bag of chorizo and egg tacos for a family breakfast. As soon as Howard’s 11-year-old son, Ryan Howard-Jenson, bit into the cheesy Mexican breakfast, he forgave his mom for missing his kindergarten graduation, his first steps, and his baptism. “I don’t even care that she served it with Jim Beam instead of orange juice. The tacos really meant that she went out of her way to be a good mother,” Howard-Jenson said, while dipping his breakfast in salsa and fighting back tears. Ms.
Photo Creative CommonsSPRINGFIELD, VA – In wake of revelations that former Republican nomination candidate Gov. Rick Perry’s used painkillers during debates, Rep. Ron Paul (R-TX) has come forward admitting to usage of lysergic acid diethylamide, commonly known as LSD, throughout his campaign.
WASHINGTON – This past Tuesday, Democratic National Committee chair member Nancy Danner noted that there was a fairly large rock bearing the mark of Koch Industries in her shoe. “I stood up at the end of what I thought had been a successful meeting about the economy, only to be pained by an unpleasant hard object against the arch of my foot,” she explained. Upon inspecting the rock, her colleague Rep.
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ANN ARBOR, MI – Experts across the United States are bewildered as to how social media outlets such as Twitter, Facebook, and Cat Facts have single-handedly saved the railroad industry. Despite little effect on other markets, tweeting, Facebook events, and Pinterest have been credited with reviving this 19th century enterprise back to its former glory.