Briefs

Briefs

Study Finds Sex Is Better When You Look Me In The Eyes, Steve

SEATTLE – In a study that has been conducted at this residence over the past couple years, it has been shown that intercourse would be much more gratifying for both of us if you would just look me in the eyes, Steve. “The only way my back doesn’t act up is if I’m behind you,” I think is what you said a couple of weeks ago, followed by “You know the deal. I don’t have the body I had ten years ago. But, speaking personally here, I’m enjoying it as much as ever.” As of this time, I still want to know why you insist I pin my hair up and that I moan an octave lower during intercourse.

Tags: 

Dryer Buzzer Ignored By Biased Liberal Media

WASHINGTON – The blatantly biased liberal media once again denied Americans access to important news coverage this week when National Public Radio, The Atlantic, and Reuters News Agency all ignored the final dryer buzzer as it rang from the laundry room. The latest buzz indicated an important end to the dryer’s cycle and a dangerous onset of wrinkled clothes. “This is just one more disappointing oversight by the socialist media machine,” stated Republican nomination candidate Newt

Tags: 

Breakfast Tacos Redeem Absent Mother

AUSTIN – Mary Howard’s years of neglect for her children were absolved yesterday when she brought home a bag of chorizo and egg tacos for a family breakfast. As soon as Howard’s 11-year-old son, Ryan Howard-Jenson, bit into the cheesy Mexican breakfast, he forgave his mom for missing his kindergarten graduation, his first steps, and his baptism. “I don’t even care that she served it with Jim Beam instead of orange juice. The tacos really meant that she went out of her way to be a good mother,” Howard-Jenson said, while dipping his breakfast in salsa and fighting back tears. Ms.

Tags: 

Koch Brothers Funding The Rock In Your Shoe

WASHINGTON – This past Tuesday, Democratic National Committee chair member Nancy Danner noted that there was a fairly large rock bearing the mark of Koch Industries in her shoe. “I stood up at the end of what I thought had been a successful meeting about the economy, only to be pained by an unpleasant hard object against the arch of my foot,” she explained. Upon inspecting the rock, her colleague Rep.

Tags: 

Pages

Subscribe to RSS - Briefs