LONDON – While spearheading the collective of Deadhead figureheads in an effort to outlaw nuclear warheads, NDPLC (National Deadhead Peace and Love Commission) head-chair Daniel Greenberg decided that he needed fellatio. Greenberg glanced at the Jerry Garcia fathead that resides above the chamber, stood up, and grabbed a blue raspberry Airhead. “You’re all shitheads,” Greenberg said to his Deadhead colleagues as he departed.
Walking out of the headquarters, he was met by a rally of British skinheads rushing headlong towards him; however, he was able to evade the mob of Radiohead diehards with an airborne somersault. After executing the head-over-heels maneuver, he landed at the feet of Julie Singler, a self-proclaimed Radiohead-head, and unapologetic redhead. “Heads up,” Singler said. Greenberg ducked. Singler roundhouse kicked an advancing skinhead in the throat, knocking his wireless Bluetooth headset clean out of his ear. Greenberg and Singler locked eyes. The romantic moment they shared was one that could only be satisfied by rushing into Greenberg’s ‘06 Acura TSX and giving each other bomb head, with Greenberg performing first, followed by Singler. The man’s climax was reminiscent of popping his first ever whitehead: messy, white shit spraying everywhere, and a little bit of blood trickling out at the end.