ORLANDO — After riding a rollercoaster, shaken and stirred mother Sheila Scanlon started fizzing out milk as she breastfed her son. “As soon as I latched on to her nipple, I got all this bubbly milk that came out. It sprayed all over my face and onto the ground,” said her 360-month old child, Gordon Scanlon. “I know I should have waited for her to settle down, but I am … [Read more...] about Shaken up mother has fizzy breastmilk
Archives for June 2019
Area man avoids FOMO by not getting invited
AUSTIN — Mark Scott, previously only known for having two first names, is making headlines today with his newfound solution to his fear of missing out, or FOMO as the millennials call it. His breakthrough? Not getting invited. It’s that simple. “It came to me one day when I found out my coworkers went bowling without me. I realized that I didn’t have to worry about missing out … [Read more...] about Area man avoids FOMO by not getting invited
Area dad sad his daughter can’t pull off nose ring
AUSTIN — Austin father Lionel McCombs was absolutely devastated after a recent realization that his daughter can’t pull off her nose ring. “It’s a father’s second worst nightmare: not only that my kid is edgy, but they’re also really bad at being edgy.” When probed about what a father’s first worst nightmare is, McCombs replied, “Having their child grow up to marry a Ryan … [Read more...] about Area dad sad his daughter can’t pull off nose ring