So, I’m at home sitting on the couch with my feet tucked under my significant other’s thigh, getting ready to enjoy the latest Chala-masterpiece, Beautiful Boy. If you’re not familiar, the film is about Timothée, and he does a lot of drugs, and it features Steve Carell, trying to get him off drugs. But every time Timmy-boy shoots up some black tar H, he’s nothing but … [Read more...] about Op-ed: Timothée Chalamet was such a good actor he kind of made me wanna try heroin
Archives for May 2019
Op-ed: Let’s do socialism, but leave Kohl’s alone
I, like many Americans, have been alarmed by our nation’s descent into oligarchy. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and her allies have me convinced: We need real, structural change in our democracy, and that starts with embracing socialism. But when we make the transition, I have one request: Can we leave Kohl’s alone? Look, I know socialism is going to require some sacrifices. A Green … [Read more...] about Op-ed: Let’s do socialism, but leave Kohl’s alone
Op-ed: Guy with two drinks on desk in class definitely not a virgin
You walk into class expecting the usual scene. But something is not only new but amiss, and it catches your attention right away. Jared, who sits to your right, has two drinks on his desk. A blue Gatorade in addition to his usual Ozarka water bottle. Two forms of hydration. Two different entities to sip on throughout the duration of your 1.5 hour microeconomics class. You’re … [Read more...] about Op-ed: Guy with two drinks on desk in class definitely not a virgin
Around Campus – March 2019
• Reese Witherspoon’s surprisingly not racist, but I’m ready to let her go when the time comes • Is Spike Lee the guy who started SpikeTV? • I’m a pro-semite • Oh shit, word? • I only speak in dependent clauses • Yorgos is a better yogurt name than a director name • The Cold War honestly had a lot of sexual tension • How heavy do you think a minion would … [Read more...] about Around Campus – March 2019