The University of Texas has launched an investigation into Texas Travesty food critic, Jack Kelly, after suspicious behavior was reported to the magazine. Kelly claimed his annual earnings on his taxes as only $600, but filed over $18,000 in tips this past year. The IRS informed the university of potential foul play and a consequent investigation has been launched. The reported … [Read more...] about BREAKING: Texas Travesty food critic Jack Kelly under investigation in bribery scandal
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The Results Are In: We Are All Africa
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA – Astounding genealogists across the globe, a new report has set fire to our preconceived notions of heritage and its workings. In an increasingly competitive DNA testing market, 23andMe boldly claimed their spot at the top by nonconsensually indexing each and every living human’s genetic information. What they discovered will shock you. We are literally. All. … [Read more...] about The Results Are In: We Are All Africa
Critics are raving and club owners are telling them to get the fuck out
AUSTIN – Things started to get a little hairy on 6th Street when a group of “local film critics” hit the streets after taking in a midnight premiere of The Joker. “I haven’t seen pretentiousness move together in a herd like that since the podcasters got together at SXSW” said stunned club owner, Vincent van Hauser, while sweeping up broken glass. There were multiple reports of … [Read more...] about Critics are raving and club owners are telling them to get the fuck out
Report: That girl is poison
ANN ARBOR – After months of rampant speculation, the verdict is finally in and it appears that the rumors are true: that girl is poison. “What a woman. Let me tell you, she drove me out of my mind and stole my heart when I was blind,” said one source who chose to remain anonymous.“I just don’t understand what all the fuss is about! Is the broad’s name Poison, like Prince or … [Read more...] about Report: That girl is poison
“A woman’s place IS in the kitchen…to get more wine!” area mom posts on Facebook, laughing deliriously
SUBURBIA – After finally putting her three gorgeous children Kennedy, Chelsea, and Daniel to bed, mother Terri Joan didn’t need to check the time to know it was Wine O’clock! She had already popped one Xanax before picking up the kids from school, but now she could finally reach the ultimate state of relaxation: an acceptable, slightly-slurring drunkenness after one “doctor … [Read more...] about “A woman’s place IS in the kitchen…to get more wine!” area mom posts on Facebook, laughing deliriously