Bill Belichick frightens girlfriend with smile

GLENDALE, AZ—Sophia Jones, girlfriend of the New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick, alerted the press earlier today that she was frightened by Belichick’s smile as he departed their hotel this morning for pre-Super Bowl preparations. “It was horrible,” said the tremulous Jones. “His face looked like a pug on angel dust. The way it just collapsed in on itself while radiating malice sent a shudder through my whole body.” Jones then glanced nervously around the room as the thought of Belichick smiling made her entire body shake. As of press time, Jones was packing her bags and getting ready to flee the country after receiving a text from Belichick ending with a smiley face.

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