RG3 Expected to Play Next Season Despite Being in Wheelchair

Washington D.C. – Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III is expected to open the 2013 season despite being in a wheelchair. The former Heisman Trophy winner and 2012 NFL Offensive Rookie of the Year suffered a torn ACL in his right knee in a playoff loss to the Seattle Seahawks in January. His injury has left him unable to stand, but completely able to sit. “Last time I checked, you didn't need legs to throw a football,” Griffin boasted while struggling to lift himself onto his bear skin sofa. “If anything, this gives me an edge.” According to sources close to the team, Griffin is “way ahead of schedule” in his progress and has even been reported to have busted a few wheelies. Still, some members of the coaching staff have addressed lingering concerns. “Lots of players have tremendous success wearing protective braces,” stated head coach Mike Shanahan. “We just wanted to make sure his leg is as stable as it can be come game time. And what’s more stable than a giant metal chair that removes the necessity of walking? You can’t hurt what you don’t use.” As of press time, construction crews at FedEx Stadium could be seen installing wheelchair ramps directly onto the field.



Ultimate Frisbee game particularly “ultimate” October 10, 2009 AUSTIN—Players of the regularly scheduled Wednesday night game of Ultimate Frisbee noted after the game that this week’... more
Travesty's Sports Wizard College Football Tour 2009 October 10, 2009 The Texas Travesty caught up with our old pal, the Sports Wizard, to discuss sports, wizardry, and how to deal with... more
Colt McCoy & Jordan Shipley Pillow Talk November 11, 2009 CM: Today was exhausting...I am so tired from football practice. JS: Practice was good today. You threw a lot of... more
Colt McCoy suffers shoulder injury in first sentence of proposal to girlfriend February 2, 2010 AUSTIN—University of Texas quarterback Colt McCoy sustained his second shoulder injury in as many weeks while in the... more