UT baseball team hoping discovery of metallic objects in equipment room will reverse hitting woes

AUSTIN—A recent discovery in the equipment cage of the UT baseball locker room has the struggling Longhorns feeling optimistic about their chances to reverse their fortunes. The long, shiny metallic “thing-a-ma-bobs,” as head coach Augie Garrido calls them, will hopefully help the team improve on their current batting strategy, which prior to the discovery consisted of either being walked or hit by pitches in order to get on base. “We’d been using our hopes and dreams to hit balls before,” said Garrido. “This is working out a lot better.” After their legality was assured, the Longhorns began practicing and have seen immediate results both in terms of hits and the health of the players, who have been severely injured over the course of the season as a result of stepping into numerous 90 mile-per-hour fastballs.

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