I vow never to watch a new episode of ‘How I Met Your Mother’ again

by: Gareth Campbell, Angry fan

WARNING: SPOILER ALERT if you have not seen the latest episode of How I Met Your Mother.

So, I think it’s safe to say I’m an avid watcher of television. The sultry sexiness of The Vampire Diaries always gets my gears lubricated, Scandal makes me feel like an expert in psychology and scandals, and I’ve even been known to watch an episode or two of Little People: Life on Bottom on TLC. Back in 2005, a sweet little show premiered on CBS by the name of How I Met Your Mother. If that’s what you still want to call it. With the way the creators ended last Monday’s episode, it might as well be called How I Ripped Out the Heart of A Loyal Fan, Thanks For Watching Loser. No way in hell that that’s the real ending, hence why I have solemnly vowed to never watch a single new episode of HIMYM ever again.

Firstly, if it’s not my place to judge what the creators envisioned for their show, then whose is it?! I must say, it was the absolute worst episode of anything I’ve ever seen. Oh what’s that Roseanne, Dan was dead the entire last season and you never actually won the lottery? How about we didn’t even see Marshall and Lily’s third child onscreen this last episode. Oh hello Dexter, you never got caught by anyone and moved to the west coast to live the secret life of a lumberjack? Sorry, HIMYM one-upped you this week with a really sad divorce that I didn’t like one bit. Can you believe it? They made Robin and Barney get divorced, and after all they’ve been through. THEY WERE FUCKING PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER!!! Why couldn’t the creators understand that this is not what I wanted?! I swear, next season I am not going to watch a single second of this terrible show, because surely that can’t really be it.

Where does the show go from here? I honestly don’t know, because they dropped a HUGE bombshell at the end of this season that the Mother has actually been dead for the entirety of the show’s run so far. I mean, if they had it planned from the beginning, why wouldn’t they tell me? Since when was this show about Bruce Willis and that Macaulay Culkin kid? Last time I checked it was the beautiful story of how Ted Mosby met the love of his life after the trials and tribulations of his 30s. Instead, the creators showed me that it’s really about how an old man is going to start hooking up with his old, saggy friend again for like the 87th time. Who wants to keep watching a show about two old people getting it on? I’m honestly so frustrated right now, because this show is going to be so bad from here on out knowing that this can’t possibly be the way my favorite sitcom is ending.

In my opinion, the writers took the easy way out. The only thing I wanted to see was for Ted to meet his future wife, the conception of their two children, the birth and adolescence of their children, birthday celebrations, an extended look into their teenage years, and then how Ted woke up one morning and after a morning run decided to sit his kids down and tell them the story of how he met their mom…you’re telling me the writers couldn’t fit that into one hour long special episode?! Pathetic.

All in all, I’m honestly just upset that they wasted nine whole years of my life that I voluntarily gave to them. I literally didn’t do anything for that time but frequent online forums and create amazing theories on my HIMYM themed blog, BloginSparkles.com, which has gotten over 500 hits! Maybe these hot shot Hollywood writers should listen to their fans every once in a while. I don’t know exactly how I will be spending my Mondays next fall, but it will certainly not involve this shit show. At this point, I don’t even care how the show really ends; I’m done with it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have an IMDB message board to debate on why the pineapple incident still hasn’t been resolved yet either.

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