I procrastinated my abortion, so now I have to murder my toddler

by: Leslie Pemperton, Future former mother

The sanctity of human life means everything to me. Abortion is murder, no question. But I kept putting my abortion off, so I guess now I have to murder my toddler.

Pregnancy is a stressful time, and I don’t know about you, but I procrastinate so much more than usual during stressful periods. Each day got lost in a blur of Facebook, Netflix, and Buzzfeed. Before I knew it, days blended into weeks and trimesters. It’s like, how can you even get a sonogram when you can re-watch the fourth season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer or look up the top celebrities suffering from whip-its addiction? I can’t tell you a thing about how pregnancy works, but I can tell you fifteen celebrities who have entered rehab.

Once little Lacy was born, I was going to murder her when she was just an infant. After all, infanticide would’ve been easier to cover up. But you know me — it’s not a surprise that I put that off too. Lacy is two years old now, and I still have to follow through with my original plans. But murder is going to be harder not only because I’ve grown more fond of her, but also because the daycare might notice.

Let me warn you now – no one is going to be there to remind you that your third trimester is coming up. You can’t depend on anyone else while pregnant, especially if you’re planning to have an abortion. I suppose you can do the abortion on the down-low if you miss the opportunity to have it done legally, but the guy in Chinatown is super booked, especially in the spring and summer months.

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