We’re all the BCS National Champions in my book

by: Janet Epperstein, supportive mother

As another college football season comes to a close, I can’t help but think about all of the great players who worked so hard every day just to sit at home watching Florida State and Auburn play to be “the best.” What does it even mean to be “the best” anyway? It’s such a strong, offensive word. These boys all put in an endless amount of time and effort, so telling a majority of them that they aren’t “the best” is just downright cruel. I know if my 10-year old son Jimmie was playing on the gridiron, I wouldn’t want his feelings to get hurt like the rest of these young men. That is why I am calling out to every person who has ever had his or her hearts broken by this bloodthirsty sport: this year, we are all the 2013 BCS National Champions in my book.

Back when I played high school water polo in the 70’s, there was so much focus on winning or losing. There was name-calling, vile remarks, and poor sportsmanship galore. Opponents would pull my hair, punch my boobies, and hide my Maxi pads to keep me from playing, all so that they could advance themselves and their team further in the game. It was a dark time in our nation’s history. Luckily today, my son does not have to go through the same hardships I dealt with in my youth. Jimmie plays “Phun Phootball” on the weekends, which is a non-competitive form of football. The score is always counted in hugs, and the kids have lots of fun scoring “atta boys,” or touchdowns to most people, with no repercussions of hurt feelings whatsoever. Why has the NCAAF not employed this fun, exciting style of play yet?

I consider myself a college football fan just as much as I love Giada De Laurentiis and The Phantom of the Opera. With cooking, we are all winners. With musical theater and high stakes stage drama, we are definitely all winners. Why can’t everyone win in college football? It just doesn’t make any sense to me. What does make sense is that I have taken it upon myself to make trophies for each player this year. Yes, it may seem like an impossible task to make individual trophies for each player in the NCAA program, but I am a stay at home mother with an abundance of love in my heart. If I can give a piece of my heart to every good boy who dedicated the last year to football, I’m going to give it to him. Because he deserves it. Because he wants it. Because who doesn’t like a cute little trophy with a gold boy holding a football resting on top of a plastic pedestal? I certainly do.

So in my mind, everyone is a BCS National Champion this year. There is no need for segregation like this to still occur. It’s 2014, people: Obama is president, gay marriage is being legalized in more and more states, and RuPaul’s Drag Race is gearing up to air it’s 6th season next month. For all of you who don’t agree with me, just know that while you watched the BCS National Championship Game Sponsored by VIZIO, I was sending out my 14th shipment of mini trophies to shunned young college athletes across the nation. Maybe if we all opened our hearts a little more we could all be winners, if only just for one day. Then, maybe my Jimmie could live in a world free from hate, competition, and having his extremely sensitive pre-teen feelings hurt. And maybe I could stop living through him.

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