PLANO—While in the midst of a conversation revealing their impending divorce to their two children, Michael and Barbara Bradley were abruptly interrupted by Jeff Baker, their enthusiastic Chili’s waiter, who had finally brought out the family’s sizzling entrees.

“Kids, we have some bad news,” said Mr. Bradley as he excitedly observed the waiter approaching out of the corner of his eye. “Your mother and I are getting a divorce. But we just want you both to know that we still love — oh look, food’s here!”

Baker, one of the local Chili’s most animated waiters, paid no mind to the family’s plight. He fervently adhered to the Chili’s official policy, which states that a server should “provide service with a smile, even if [they] are serving a family that is falling apart at the seams.”

“Hey, hey, hey, folks!” exclaimed Baker as he set down a tray full of crispy, smothered, and “chipotle style” dishes. “Now who had the Jalapeno Smokehouse Bacon Burger®?” “And I have a kid’s order of macaroni and cheese for you, little buddy!” added Baker as he set the plate down in front of the Bradley’s youngest child, Billy, who was sobbing hysterically. “And here are some crayons so you can do your crossword puzzle! On the house!”

Michael and Barbara Bradley continued their talk, explaining to the kids that it is not their fault, and that it would be best for the entire family if their parents were no longer married, all the while dipping their deep-fried food into Chili’s wide array of dipping sauces.

“Your father and I still love each other very much, but we’re just two different people,” said Mrs. Bradley while her husband stuffed handfuls of Cajun-seasoned French fries into his mouth. “Everything is going to be — hey, where the hell is my blue cheese?”

“Why? Why? Why are you doing this to us?!” cried their daughter Cindy, age 12, knocking over the honey mustard in which her now-annoyed father had intended to dip his Crispy Sweet Chili Glazed Chicken Crispers®.“I hate both of you!”

Before Cindy could complete her tirade, a perky Baker returned to the table to check on the family.

“Hey, hey! How’s everyone’s food? Delicious I hope! Who’s ready for some Chocolate Chip Paradise Pie®? How about you, little girl?” asked Baker, to which Cindy responded, “Shut up! Just shut up!” Unphased, Baker told the tearful children, “I think some Blackberry Cherry Limeade twist will spice this lunch up! I hope they don’t split you kids up, you’re a great crowd! Two Christmases!”

Mr. Bradley had thought that bringing the kids to the fun atmosphere that only Chili’s could offer would relax them while hearing the news of the divorce. He had also accounted for the fact that they would likely encounter a waiter as enthusiastic as Baker.

“When you come to Chili’s to discuss big life events, there’s always a good chance the waiter is going to intrusively delegitimize the moment,” said Bradley. Bradley noted one occurrence in years past when his mother informed him at a local Chili’s establishment that he was in fact adopted, which resulted in their waiter offering the table a complimentary ‘sorry you were adopted’ Awesome Blossom.

“It was a little salty” noted Bradley.

When the family was ready to leave the restaurant, Bradley urged the children to place their untouched meals in a to-go box. “Take heart kiddos, Chili’s leftovers have more staying power than any modern suburban marriage!”