That’s a really nice blue dress you’re wearing…it really complements your eyes. The way you move your hips and arms is really incredible. Don’t be afraid to let it all out: leave your inhibitions by the wayside. You don’t have to worry about a thing. No one is watching.

Absolutely no one is standing in this dark corner watching your every move.

Tonight is your night. You came into this bar with your friends, and then you went to the bartender for a Limoncello cocktail that you always order. You wanted to pay with cash, but all you had was your Bank of America credit card with PIN number 8232. You talked with the bartender about the weather for a few minutes, but then it was your time to shine. When “SexyBack” came on the speakers you began to let your feelings go and rid yourself of all of the worries and troubles from the week.

That’s it...you know I like it when you express your emotions through free-flowing dance.

Please, don’t stop. Don’t let anyone bother you in your perfect moment. You are in your element. You are a beautiful canvas, nearly too good for any artist to recreate. But before a masterpiece can be produced, a good artist must study everything about his subject. Ooh, that’s it. Let it all out. No one can see you right now. Not even some guy sitting at the back of the bar near the cigarette machine wearing a dark hoodie and sunglasses.

You really are in true form when there’s no one around to see it. It was so wonderful when no one saw you singing Ella Fitzgerald in your living room last week, or when you were by yourself at the park last night gazing up at the stars in complete solitude. Even when you tuck yourself into bed at night you breathe like an angel. The world would be a much better place if they could see the real you.

Even when you won the talent show in 3rd grade, you were barely even trying; I could tell from your home videos. You held yourself back when you performed your pirouettes, as to not hurt the feelings of your pathetic challengers. Darling, let loose your inhibitions! Let the world see you like nearly no one else has.

Now you’re really getting it. Sweat rains down your face in a torrential downpour of emotion. Your lips, soft and gentle, burn with sweet desire for just one more drink, but closing time has come. And now that your friends have left, there’s no one to walk you home. You’ll probably have to walk down some dark alleyways to get home faster. But I’m sure you won’t be bothered by anyone, certainly by nobody obsessed with the way women express their emotions.

Wait, why are you getting closer to me? Please, that’s close enough; you’re starting to make me uncomfortable. Ok, please stop, I can’t handle this. This is too much. You’re too much.