Man not sure what to make of homeless guy urinating on him
AUSTIN—UT Junior, Colin Siu, stood confused on the corner of 24th Street and San Gabriel yesterday afternoon as a homeless man urinated on him. “I was walking down the Drag and decided to stop and check my iPhone when I felt it,” explained Siu. "I should probably burn these clothes; his urine smelled like Windex.” The homeless man, who refused to speak with reporters, reportedly urinated an excess of two minutes. As of press time, the homeless man in question was defecating on a brand new Schwinn bicycle.
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- At least your Prius will be fuel efficient and environmentally friendly while it’s rapidly accelerating through the streets killing people.
- We’ll take this opportunity to jinx our basketball team. We’re calling it: UT Basketball National Championship 2010!
- That douchebag in the study room still thinks everyone loves listening to him play piano.
- Congratulations to Jordan Shipley for finally earning enough credits to graduate!
- Doppelganger week was a remarkable study in the vast divide between how beautiful you think you are versus how average you actually look in real life. Yes, I’m specifically referring
to you. - Thanks, UT Safety alert, but I don’t need an auxiliary reason to run screaming from the RLM.
- When there’s beer in the basement, frat guys stand adjacent.
- Realizing that he only has a few short months left in office, SG President Liam O’Rourke will use his authority to create an even larger cardboard cutout of himself in the Co-Op.
- As long as you maintain your proud tradition of attractive young women in athletic shorts, you can lose as many bowl games as you like, UT.
- Students anxious to see J.D. Salinger’s last essays in the Harry Ransom Center will be disappointed to find that they’re just Animorphs fan fictions.
- HEY GUYS SERIOUSLY COME USE THE LIBERAL ARTS WRITING CENTER IT’S SUPER HELPFUL I’M SERIOUS!!!!!
- Trust me bro, with every second of awkward eye contact on the bus, you’re winning her heart.
- Inside jokes will increase 22% over the next semester. Ain’t that right, Tony? Yyyyeah.
- If you thought you could just sleep through every lecture this semester and squeak by with an A, you were right. High-five.
- Turns out the study abroad assistant didn’t have an accent; that was a speech impediment. You did a funny impression, though.
- Your success in a Pass/Fail is merely dependent on whether you plan to get stoned all semester and eat Doritos in class or get stoned all semester and eat Doritos at home.
- It wasn’t very becoming of Kansas State to chant “We Own Texas!” after they beat us. At least we had the class to refrain from chanting “We Own Indoor Plumbing!” in response.
- Everyone on campus let out a commemorative “Ah fuck!” as the twelfth day of classes whizzed by once again.
