News

BRIEFS

March 2017 MIDLAND, TX—Showing great confusion and disappointment, local father of two Billy Preston complained about his daughter... more
March 2017 NEW YORK—Veronica Palmer, the most beautiful girl in the room 90% of the time, caught her colleagues off guard when her... more
March 2017 LOCKHART, TX—In the midst of folding her son’s briefs, area woman Isabelle Carter began to reminisce upon the glitzy... more

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AROUND CAMPUS

October 2009 • I shall choose trick! En garde, you candy hoarding fiend! • I’ve got a fever, and the only prescription is a non-... more
September 2009 • No matter how long you stare, you won’t know if that Dasani bottle in your fridge is filled apple juice or piss until... more

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SPORTS

March 2011 WASHINGTON D.C.—Citing the remarkable accuracy of picks in the NCAA Men’s Basketball tournament as evidence of a “... more
March 2011 INDIANAPOLIS—Following an exhaustive ten year investigation, the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA)... more
February 2011

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OPINION

March 2013 I’m a single, working mom. I cook. I clean. I’m up 24 hours a day making sure I stay tilted at precisely a 23-degree... more
March 2013 I know that living back in the old day must have sucked, since people had to deal with the Bubonic Plague, Inquisitions... more
March 2013 MILWAUKEE – I don’t know if it is just because of these crazy times we’re living in, but picking up women is a lot... more

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