News

BRIEFS

December 2017 AUSTIN — A recent financial report has revealed that Dobie Twenty21’s management is slowly but surely renting more and... more
December 2017 DALLAS — Desperate to keep his two sons visiting from college engaged, area dad Mark Wheeler decided to order a bottle... more
December 2017 JERUSALEM — Despite several thousand years of meticulous planning and delivering ambiguous messages to prophets, last... more

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AROUND CAMPUS

October 2010 • Bro, I’m going to nurture the shit out of this puppy. • Hi, person I don’t know and wouldn’t be able to identify to... more
September 2010 • Gregory, Schmegory. • Hey bro I’m kinda full. Wanna share this beer? • Jimmy John’s? More like “fast sandwiches.” • A... more
April 2010 • We should all demonstrate our dedication to green initiatives the same way UT does: by artificially re-sodding the... more
March 2010 • Make sure to grab a free condom in the West Mall; the one in your wallet from two years ago is expiring soon. • White... more

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SPORTS

April 2011 AUSTIN—A recent discovery in the equipment cage of the UT baseball locker room has the struggling Longhorns feeling... more
March 2011 This spring the Texas football team held closed practices, preventing the media from giving first hand coverage of the... more
March 2011 KUALA LUMPUR—The Nike, Inc. production line team in Kuala Lumpur is off to another great start this season. “We’ve... more

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OPINION

November 2013 by: Danny Tutone I have known you since we were 11, Mitch. You’ve always been there for me. Our friendship has stood... more
November 2013 by: Robert "Dances With" Wolfe With blood and ash, I’ve earned my Great Bear-given right to a free college education.... more
March 2013 I’m the best at what I do. I’ve been making IEDs since before the Soviets and implementing bio-warfare that would make... more

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