News

BRIEFS

October 2017 AUSTIN, TX—During a phone call with one of her daughters who never calls, Gertrude Simons reportedly spent half of the... more
October 2017 Counterpoint: Let’s Shake Things Up Comedy is all about experimenting with form, the constant pushing against the... more
October 2017 AUSTIN, TEXAS – Attributing it to the lack of free merchandise given out, 10 year old Tanner Bishop found this year’s... more

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AROUND CAMPUS

April 2011 • My roommate is an art student and she was looking at these pictures and they were really complicated and obtuse and... more
March 2011 • I play softball like I have sex: In really tight shorts and surprisingly well. Also, all my friends get together and... more
February 2011 • No, Taco Cabana Rapido doesn’t refer to the resulting bowel movements. • Do these tights go with this oversized t-... more
November 2010 • No, dude- it’s Wooten barber shop. Trust me, you don’t want Method Man cutting your hair. • Is it too late to see... more

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SPORTS

October 2011 ORLANDO – After a stellar four-week run, Dwight Howard has been named Employee of the Month at the CarMax on South... more
Longhorn Quidditch Team Celebrates Victory Over Reality October 2011 AUSTIN–In an impressive display of broomsmanship and delusion, representatives from the University of Texas Quidditch... more
April 2011 CLEVELAND—Despite an off-season filled with high expectations the Cleveland Cavaliers came up short in their quest to... more

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OPINION

December 2013 by: Ruby Sparxxx, moral porn star Having been an adult film star for 28 years now, I assume most of you have stumbled... more
December 2013 Hi. I’m Virgil, writing in here to talk about the sexing. See, we’re in college now, and since all of our mommies are... more
November 2013 The butt. The booty. The ba-donk-a-donk. The rumpus. The gluteus maximus. The home of the twerk and the only reason I... more

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