News

BRIEFS

April 2017 KINGDOM OF HEAVEN—According to a few crudely scribbled images found in his bedroom, God has been thinking about making... more
April 2017 BELIZE—Following a three month dry spell from deporting undocumented workers and their families, former President... more
April 2017 SAN ANTONIO—Feeling uninhibited enough to tell his gravest secret, inebriated party-goer, Leslie Schubert, reportedly... more

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AROUND CAMPUS

April 2011 • My roommate is an art student and she was looking at these pictures and they were really complicated and obtuse and... more
March 2011 • I play softball like I have sex: In really tight shorts and surprisingly well. Also, all my friends get together and... more
February 2011 • No, Taco Cabana Rapido doesn’t refer to the resulting bowel movements. • Do these tights go with this oversized t-... more
November 2010 • No, dude- it’s Wooten barber shop. Trust me, you don’t want Method Man cutting your hair. • Is it too late to see... more

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SPORTS

Longhorn Quidditch Team Celebrates Victory Over Reality October 2011 AUSTIN–In an impressive display of broomsmanship and delusion, representatives from the University of Texas Quidditch... more
April 2011 CLEVELAND—Despite an off-season filled with high expectations the Cleveland Cavaliers came up short in their quest to... more
April 2011 AUSTIN—A recent discovery in the equipment cage of the UT baseball locker room has the struggling Longhorns feeling... more

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OPINION

December 2013 by: Ruby Sparxxx, moral porn star Having been an adult film star for 28 years now, I assume most of you have stumbled... more
December 2013 Hi. I’m Virgil, writing in here to talk about the sexing. See, we’re in college now, and since all of our mommies are... more
November 2013 The butt. The booty. The ba-donk-a-donk. The rumpus. The gluteus maximus. The home of the twerk and the only reason I... more

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