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BRIEFS

March 2017 AUSTIN—Sources reported that, as of this Tuesday, UT senior and ornithology major Bart Bartleson had been referring to... more
March 2017 PASADENA—Reports have confirmed today that local infant and idiot Jonas Garcia has once again forgotten to brush his... more
March 2017 SAN ANTONIO—Once thought of as a mere household appliance, the garbage disposal has officially become the most reliable... more

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AROUND CAMPUS

February 2012 • I’m a stress vegetarian. • Your roommate’s beta fish becomes the first of his kind to receive too much attention. •... more
February 2012 • Hey baby, can I take you out to the VIP dining line sometime? • My bowels move like Jagger. • No shirt, no shoes, no... more
November 2011 • Junior Edward March tried to walk a straight line for the officer, but you can only do so much with 7 toes. • Does my... more
October 2011 •We mixed rum with a Pepsi Throwback. Now, it’s a Pepsi THROWED-BACK. #36mafia • What do you mean I can’t refer to them... more

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SPORTS

Sports Karma December 2011 View full-size image.
October 2011 CAMPUS – Today, top basketball prospect Jared Williamson accidentally attended his first Introduction to Psychology... more
October 2011 ORLANDO – After a stellar four-week run, Dwight Howard has been named Employee of the Month at the CarMax on South... more

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OPINION

January 2014 by: Janet Epperstein, supportive mother As another college football season comes to a close, I can’t help but think... more
December 2013 By: Mack Brown My announcement of retirement earlier this month came at a time of sharp scrutinization of my coaching... more
December 2013 by: Jarell “Babe” Williams, West Campus bus driver I just don’t understand. It seems like classes were still going on... more

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