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FEATURES

BRIEFS

March 2017 LOCKHART, TX—In the midst of folding her son’s briefs, area woman Isabelle Carter began to reminisce upon the glitzy... more
March 2017 AUSTIN—A local backpack belonging to college student Sam Rothko has started to wonder what other parts of Rothko’s body... more
March 2017 PORT NECHES, TX—Last Tuesday morning, while owner Mildred Bolyard was unpinning her rollers in the bathroom, area puppy... more

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AROUND CAMPUS

October 2013 • Looks like she’s all binge and no purge. • If I had Parkinson’s, I’d probably lose some weight. • I wish you were a... more
October 2012 I'm about as likely to pass this physics exam as I am this drug test. Pabst Smear Blue Ribbon "Do these Wrangler's make... more
April 2012 • Powerade is like haterade for people who don't like gators. • April showers bring some Dank-Ass bud in May. •... more
March 2012 • Round-Up is so disgusting. Lets just get drunk and throw shit from our balcony instead. • Yeah ladies I went to the... more

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SPORTS

Longhorns Narrowly Defeat Blocking Sled April 2012 AUSTIN – The Texas Longhorn football team survived a nail biter last Saturday defeating the blocking sled in an... more
Jeremy Lin Gives Hope To Palo Alto Community February 2012 PALO ALTO, CA — Rising superstar Jeremy Lin of the New York Knicks has finally given his hometown of Palo Alto,... more
Joe Paterno Hit By Car While Looking Other Way December 2011 UNIVERSITY PARK, PENNSYLVANIA – On Wednesday morning, Joe Paterno was hit by a motorist Thursday while looking the... more

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OPINION

April 2014 by: Gareth Campbell, Angry fan WARNING: SPOILER ALERT if you have not seen the latest episode of How I Met Your Mother... more
March 2014 by: Leslie Pemperton, Future former mother The sanctity of human life means everything to me. Abortion is murder, no... more
February 2014 by: Bradley Cooper If you have ever been subjected to weird looks after purchasing every last bottle of baby powder a... more

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