News

BRIEFS

October 2017 Laughing into his mimosa, sassy cyclops Clargmyarg refused to convey to his friends at brunch whether he was indeed... more
October 2017 EASTON, PA— Following a highly controversial launch of new ‘scented markers,’ Crayola has released a statement... more
October 2017 AUSTIN—According to anonymous sources, President Greg Fenves was seen at a local strip club raining ten dollar bills... more

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AROUND CAMPUS

February 2015 • I don’t sleep because sleep is the nephew of comas • Excuse me, sommelier. What wine pairs best with this Jack in the... more
February 2015 • The only thing I can trust anymore is my mama’s rigatoni • I’m going to be the best man at your funeral • Not even... more
October 2014 • I love Blink-182, but I’m not gonna pierce my lip about it • Make like a pioneer and settle for me • In 20 years,... more
October 2014 • I can’t wait to have the talk with your kids • Boy, I sure hope Kid Rock has somewhere to stay during the apocalypse... more

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SPORTS

October 2017 ATLANTA, GA—The advertising community let out a celebratory squeal this week when former NBA player Shaquille O’Neal... more
January 2014 by: Nick Mehendale AUSTIN – In the wake of Mack Brown’s departure from the Longhorn football program, the University... more
October 2013 GLENDALE, AZ—Sophia Jones, girlfriend of the New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick, alerted the press earlier... more

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OPINION

October 2014 by Raven-Symoné, Thresher of the Waves Let’s get one thing perfectly clear. I am more than what others may call me.... more
April 2014 by: Jason Hill, Dental hygienist Upon being sworn into office, Barack Obama was questioned by many on the far right in... more
April 2014 by: Marking Luther King Jr., scared 5 year-old I had a scary dream. The dream was weird because the world didn’t look... more

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