Non-vegan spotted at Wheatsville Co-op

NORTH CAMPUS –Vegan patrons of Wheatsville Co-op were shocked to look up at the roof last Thursday and see a large, lifestyle-insensitive non-vegan attempting to gain access to the store. The non-vegan, who refuses to use reusable shopping bags and decries organically grown produce, has been asked to leave under penalty of a lifetime ban. “We at the Co-op accept people from all places and lifestyles, but if that savage thinks he’s going to come here in and eat raw meat in front of everyone, well, I won’t stand for it,” explained general manager Dan Gillotte. The Board of Directors for the Co-op has threatened swift action if the non-vegan doesn’t remove the animal leather he is wearing.

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