Around Campus March 2012

Round-Up is so disgusting. Lets just get drunk and throw shit from our balcony instead.

• Yeah ladies I went to the gym a lot this summer. Misty's Cerulean Gym.

• I feel like we don't exchange passive aggressive notes on the fridge anymore.

• You can’t use your brother’s ID to buy alcohol! He’s adopted and you’re a girl.

• Can you gimme a second? I mean blow job?

• I asked for a stomach pumping, not a lecture.

Lesbihonest -- you like the ladies.

• Necessity may be the mother of invention, but weed is the mother of cream cheese nutella sandwiches.

• I think I grew into the wrong body.

• Well guess what dick? I fight better naked.

In space, no one can hear you scream because no one is in space.

• My biology professor had us dissect what's been up his ass this entire semester.

• Ever notice how some Potato Chip bags say “Sharing Size”? It’s like, fuck you, Mom.

• I need to intern somewhere this summer. Google “Companies owned by stoners” for me, okay?

• These crab cakes taste a little too much like cake.

• If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. And if at second you don't succeed, you're probably Madison and
Antonio.

• Fire Ants! Mosquitoes! Bears! HOLY SHIT, BEARS? RUN!

• Kismet? I'm Irish.

• Officer, we’re in a recession. I can’t spend all my money on headlights.

• Dude, she gave me head lice.

• Being smart is better than being muscular, in terms of loneliness.

Hello, room service? I don’t know where I am...

• I’d be a much better bowler if these balls weren’t so heavy.

San Marcos banned the consumption of alcohol in parks and rivers? What about roads?

• Federal investigators will find Jimmy Hoffa buried underneath Pure.

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