Toys R Us To Be Renamed Toys Was Us

WAYNE, NJ—Millennials have ruined yet another industry—the childhood industry. With the closing of over 200 stores nationwide, ‘Toys R Us’ is officially renaming themselves ‘Toys Was Us’. “We want to keep a positive outlook during this trying time,” CEO Geoffrey Giraffe stated while packing up his Barbie Dreamhouse. “I’ve tried to hang myself three times. Do you know how hard it is for a giraffe to hang himself? Does the noose go at the base of my neck or under my chin? Who the fuck knows?” When asked to comment on the matter, competing toymaker Santa Claus stated, “Fuck yeah!! Suck it Toys R Us! Dab on 'em!”


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