Student Movie Critic Doesn’t Understand Magnitude Of 5-Star Rating

AUSTIN—Judging by his review of Cars 3, it’s been made clear to readers that Radio-TV-Film student and film critic Alan Vank doesn’t recognize the weight a 5-star rating carries. Spewing such horseshit as, “...the elements of the film depicting Lightning McQueen’s PTSD from his near-fatal crash were haunting, and brings a new perspective on trauma through the eyes of a car,” Vank demonstrated throughout the article a clear lack of understanding of what is important to the quality of a film. “Overall, this was an enjoyable film which I wouldn’t mind going to see again; I give it 5 stars.” At press time, Vank was drafting a scathing paragraph on Guardians of the Galaxy 2’s use of popping colors distracting from the film’s gripping plot.


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