Bumblebees On Adderall Fuck Up A Six Flags

SIX FLAGS CITY, TX—Six Flags would like to notify its customers that it will be closed until further notice due to the fact that all rides have been rendered inoperable by a massive swarm of bees with a supply of Adderall. No one knows how the hive gained access to ADD medication, but it has made them supernaturally capable of executing their plans for empire building. The bees began at 10 a.m. on Wednesday by surrounding the kids on the “Spinning Sombrero” ride at the park’s entrance. The riders, most of whom were under 10 years old, surrendered the Sombrero in tears. Five-year-old Timmy Taters, suffering from PTSBees, was overheard singing despondently, “I’m squishing up my baby bumblebee, won’t my mommy be so proud of me.” The hive then took over each ride without taking time to stop and smell the flowers, because—once again—these bees were on Adderall. Six Flags management is still in search of some brave soul to attempt to exterminate them. When asking the operator of the log ride if he would be willing to eliminate them he said, “Oh, you’re asking me if I want to go try to kill those bees. Oh HELL Nah! I don’t get down with juiced up bees.”


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