GOONTOWN—Earlier today, local goon “Tough Guy with Moustache” confirmed that he can handle anything you need takin’ care of, boss. “Gee, Tough Guy sure is more devoted to his job than any thug I’ve seen before,” said Donald Firch, an insurance executive with a serious gambling problem, while being stuffed into a trunk. “I’m not even behind on my payments. The guy’s just taking initiative.” Tough Guy with Moustache has been rising through the ranks of the Vimeo crime family ever since he found a posting for a mafia intern while browsing hirealonghorn.com. “I’m likin’ this line of work real good,” Tough Guy with Moustache told reporters while washing flecks of blood out of his facial hair and polishing his head. “The hours can be a bit odd, but there aren’t many options for someone with a B.A. in Goon Studies. And the boss says that if I keep it up, he might hire me for a paid position.” At press time, he was last seen taking his garbage out and disposing of it in a nearby lake.