Danish Government Floored upon Remembering they Still Own Greenland

COPENHAGEN – Amid cries of “Shit! Shit! Holy Shit!” and “What the hell is this?” members of the Danish parliament could hardly keep themselves together during a recent parliamentary session in which senior ranking officials realized their country still owned the world’s largest island. “How did such a large mass of ice get all the way up there? How did we come into possession of it? Does anyone live there? How do we even visit? Do they have planes? This is unbelievable,” said Prime Minister Lars Løkke Rasmussen, noting that the discovery had come after weeks of painstakingly deciphering the runic codes on a Viking map, in which they found crude directions to the fabled city of Nuuk, the capital of Greenland. “I hope to make a state visit very soon. We will come bearing gifts of our warmest wool sweaters, our finest minimalist furniture and our tastiest lingonberry jam.” As of press time members of parliament were the enduring gale force winds of the North Sea, bound for the newly rediscovered land in a Viking longship.


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