God not planning to renew subscription on Earth’s free trial run

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN – Claiming that it probably isn’t a wise investment for Him, the Lord God Almighty has decided that He will not be renewing His subscription for the planet Earth. “Yeah, I guess I’m a little disappointed that I might not get to see what the truth is behind the Trump and Russia drama, but there have been some other really great moments for me to remember,” said our Heavenly Father, fondly recalling the moment when Chance the Rapper thanked Him at the Grammys. “I just hope I get to see what Beyoncé decides to name the twins. Hopefully she goes with the ideas I sent her.” At press time, God was seen paying to continue His subscription to Mars and conversing with some angels about what ‘kooky’ things they think will happen on the planet.
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