Exit Sign Nervous He Not Bright Enough, Red Enough, Good Enough

AUSTIN—Local exit sign Light Miller, located at the Paramount Theatre on Congress Avenue, has reportedly expressed insecurities regarding its performance. “This happens every time we hire new, young signs with brighter bulbs,” said the theatre’s owner Jacob VanMiner. “So I started a fire and herded everyone out of Light’s door, just to prove to him that he is still in working order. He seems to be feeling better.” Although tragic, multiple sources agreed the lives lost during the fire were a small price to pay in helping Miller get his groove back.


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