Area woman remembers Jessica Simpson

LOCKHART, TX—In the midst of folding her son’s briefs, area woman Isabelle Carter began to reminisce upon the glitzy and tumultuous legacy of Jessica Simpson. “I was minding my own business, folding my youngest one’s tightie whities, when I suddenly remembered that Jessica Simpson exists,” said Carter as she scoured an In Touch magazine for a glimpse of the fallen star’s current lifestyle. “I was, like, immediately hit with all of these images of her glistening, golden, wavy hair and innocent Southern charm. I would give everything to see such purity in Hollywood once more.” At press time, Carter was seen folding another pair of underwear, appearing to have entirely forgotten about Jessica Simpson once again.
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