Area meat boss loses yet another innocent child to the meat machine

CHICAGO—Yet another small child has been lost to the big meat machine, local meat boss announced. “I tell th’ kids not ta straddle th’ contraption but them youngins still git jammed up real good in there,” explained the meat boss, whose powerful thighs famously made him the only Illinois sausage boy ever to unhinge the ancient machine’s enchanted lever. “It must’ve killed ‘bout 17 of thos’ kiddos, so I reckon God can’t send all of ‘em to Hell.” As of press time, one of the meat boss’s “lil meat boys” could be seen straddling the mighty blood-rusted meat machine.
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